Unless you’re a grown up you’re completely uninitiated, you know December is about the birth of Santa, the One of a Kind Show and President’s Choice Candy Cane ice cream. (click the link, read the reviews. This shit’s serious). It’s true there are a few non-believers; a smattering of folks who don’t think it’s anything to get worked up into a frenzy over (again, read the reviews). But mostly that’s the purview of children and men with no taste. I don’t want to point fingers though. Nope. No pointing. (To my vegan and lactose intolerant friends, I apologize in advance. (Or at least close to the beginning).

Given my (okay, everyone’s) unflagging commitment to honouring the spirit of x-mas with candy can ice cream, I can’t even tell you what happened to me when my friend Jess sent me this picture. 

imma get on this.

I can’t tell you what I did because it was more of a sound, followed by a stumble, followed by a text. The text part I can demonstrate.

a plea for help.

 It really is a thing.

I’m sure the eagle-eyed among you have noted, with curiosity, why Jess’ name isn’t, and instead is Ada Lovelace. It has to do with a moment of clarity (in truth it’s best described as a “moment”) I had while skating with these clowns.

stars on ice, 2011

Thanks Craig and Jess for the inspiration, or whatever it was that night that made me think this was *such* a good idea.  So what is this genius you ask? I decided to re-name my most frequent text/phone companions as famous people so when my phone is sitting on a table, in plain view, and Marc (etc.) texts me, Alec Baldwin’s (etc.) name pops up instead (no similarities between the two, just steadfast, urgent longing). I’ll take a moment while you each grab your phones and start doing the same thing. (Please, one of you. So I’m not alone in this). I can see now the error in building this up.

Ahem, a few more  re-names so you can really capture how much time I apparently have on my hands: Natalie Portman, Nicolas Sarkozy (there’s a good story here) and KITT. Like from Knightrider. That one came is as a special request from a pretty high level friend and really, I could not turn it down. I also couldn’t resist reacquainting myself with David Hasselhoff, and the awesome that is 1980′s television. YouTube, thank you.

Was there a time when this was considered good acting?

Addendum

After reading this Marc looked at me and  said “Did you come up with this idea all on your own?” What a fucker.